Doves Will Peck In Safeguard Of Their Brood (6gkapn8btr Redux)

That’s the shibboleth, motherfucker,
Word to the wise, my magic number.
This blog’ll flog ya: Worm be the humbler,
Shock ‘em like Hades froze over in summer.

For reals, y’all. Straight up howlin’, comin’ on wild like pitbulls with toothaches and shit, maybe some sparklers all jammed up they ass and whatnot. Fool, I be the predator. Yo, Satan be your creditor; I be like Hell’s attorney, crackin’ style-jackin’ motherfuckers in the head like they wish they was dead. I be all hootin’ and hollerin’ like, “Yo, where’s my check, bitch?!”, cappin’ and cuttin’ chickenheads up...aww shit.

Seriously, bitch, I ain’t playin’. I do like OJ, yo, bum rushin’, decapitatin'. I be like straight for the throat, y'all, ninja-style till your head be danglin’ and bobbin’, all flappin’ around and shit. I slice off your feet with a Ginsu knife, fool, stuff your toes down your neck, drag you all ‘round the town servin’ li’l piggies up out your neckhole like knuckle-flavor Pez, yo. I be tossin’ your ass in a blender, motherfucker, makin’ bitch smoothies; I serve you like Kool-Aid at People’s Temple.

6gkapn8btr…for reals.

Mission Statement

Turning Worm Manifesto (hereafter, “TWM”) is a platform from which voices of uncommon wisdom and sobriety may critique artificial paradigms and collapse factitious distinctions. Although TWM respects the inherent validity of all opinions, it does not seek to dignify or perpetuate viewpoints involving bullshit, bilious humor or humbuggery of any sort. Such viewpoints may be published from time to time but only for the purpose of exposing them to public scorn and ridicule. TWM is strong like ox and smart like tractor but humbled by its own towering greatness. TWM is guided by the following principles:

First, for purposes of playing Reauchambeau (aka “rock/scissors/paper”), Chevy El Camino is to Ford Ranchero as Ford Ranchero is to GMC Caballero as GMC Caballero is to Chevy El Camino.

Second, lies are metaphors for the truth.

Third, when applying condiments to sandwich bread, it's worth the extra time and trouble to make sure that the condiment is spread evenly across the entire surface of the slice of bread (thus ensuring that the condiment’s flavor will be tasted in every bite of the sandwich).

Fourth, math is okay but science is total bullshit.

Fifth, there are six and only six categories of human faces: the bird face, the horse face, the muffin face, the bird/horse hybrid, the horse/muffin hybrid, and the muffin/bird hybrid.

Sixth, neither the Freemasons, the Illuminati, the Rosicrucians, the Gnomes of Zurich, the Rotarians, nor the Amish exist and so there's no point in blaming anything on them or inquiring into their activities any further.

Seventh, although the cliché inheres to its being said again and again, the proof is rarely in the pudding.

Eighth, the most bling-bling name is “RoLexus,” yo, and the most street name is “Dirty Dawgg.”

Ninth, delusions of adequacy can be every bit as pleasant as delusions of grandeur.

Tenth, while corporate entities should retain their economic speech rights, they should be denied the right to free political speech (and the concomitant right to contribute money to political causes and candidates); moreover, such an approach would be consistent with existing jurisprudence.

In sum, TWM is dedicated to calling the citizenry’s attention to this most stern and universal of judgments:

“Yea, as the worm turneth, so must shall ye reap!”,

a warning found not only in the Bible and the Koran but in the holy books of all peoples. Let humanity take note lest our fate become irrevocable, our hope irretrievable. Let us take heed before it’s too late.

-- posted by TWM editorial board (hereafter, “The Worm”), with the approval of both the Thomastic Committee and the Gregorian Council and the ratification of the Cyberpress Society of Rotenberg, on this twelfth day of July, 2009.