...out of the worm-hole, into the fire!

Wormmeister,

I'm in need of advice on the etiquette of tipping the man who does my hair. My hair-dresser owns the salon. He gives me cut & color at 70 beans per service -- that's 140 bucks for the whole shebang. He does a spectacular job. Now, my father taught me that you should never tip the owner of an establishment: after all, he's pocketing 100% of the profit. But, when it's time to pay up, the gal at the register always asks me if I want to add a tip for Tony. In the past, I've done so, but then I feel a little resentful -- I mean, I just gave the guy $140! Isn't that enough?! So yesterday, for the first time, I did NOT tip him. Then I felt guilty -- I mean, he's a great guy and he actually charges me LESS than he charges a lot of his other clients, because he knows I'm comparatively poor (he does the hair of some wealthy Beverly Hills businessmen and Hollywood types.) So -- what's the RIGHT thing to do in this situation? (Oh, I'd like to add that I always tip his assistant, who puts the color in my hair and shampoos it out. Yesterday I gave her $15.)

Thanks!

Troubled Tresses


The Worm sez: Your father’s doctrine against tipping proprietors initially rubbed The Worm as it apparently does you – that is, in all the right intuitive places. However, your father’s precept, if scrutinized closely, might turn out to be cheapness masquerading as some more noble principle. It would seem that the rationale behind the dictum is that a service business’ owner enjoys the cream of the enterprise’s crop and so, unlike an employee, does not need his/her income augmented with gratuities. But 100% of a business’ profits might equal nothing, and it is entirely conceivable that a business owner might pay his/her employees so generously that it causes the owner severe economic hardship even while his/her employees live quite comfortably. Surely, in such a case, the rationale underlying your father’s rule has evaporated, and so the rule itself ought to vanish in such case as well. Of course, the consumer of services is not often privy to a business’ books and, even if she/he were, performing accountings with every transaction in order to determine a business’ financial health (or lack thereof) and/or how well the employees are paid (or how poorly) would be a huge inconvenience, and so your father’s position might be that his assumption(s) that the business is profitable and/or that the owner is not overpaying her/his employees is/are the wisest fall-back(s). Again, perhaps your dad is a cheapskate. But let’s not approach this issue as an inquiry into what’s right for Tony, the hairdresser (or other service providers who own their own businesses). Let us instead analyze this question with an eye toward what is best and right for you, the consumer. The Worm assumes that the primary reason that one tips a service provider is not altruism but, rather, to provide an incentive for them to do a great job. You say that your guy has been doing a spectacular job, and so your past practice of always tipping him seems to have been performing its function. Also, although you say you feel resentful when you tip, you also make it clear that not tipping made you feel guilty (and understandably so…after all, you say Tony is a great guy and that he’s giving you a discount because he knows of your comparative poverty). Guilt doesn’t sound any more pleasant than resentment in The Worm’s book. The Worm suggests that you think long and hard about how much a color and cut by Tony is worth to you considering the prices of other salons of comparable quality, and if Tony still seems like a good deal even with the tip you’ve traditionally given him then you might consider going back to the status quo ante. (By the way, it sounds a bit like the assistant, rather than Tony, might be the one actually coloring your hair (The Worm cannot imagine what a colorist’s job description might be other than “puts the color in [the] hair and shampoos it out”); however, if the assistant’s job requires little or no finesse then you might consider stiffing her and giving Tony that 15 bucks.) Most importantly, The Worm recommends that in the future you ask funnier questions that call for advice of a more humorous nature. Ideally, your questions should be amusing in and of themselves and they should also set The Worm up for further laughs. Your joke-proof question about tipping etiquette is so dry it makes The Worm thirsty. A question like this doesn’t do anybody any good except you (and, The Worm supposes, people with problems almost identical to yours). TWM is here for everyone; The Worm is not your personal answers machine. You may look fabulous, but you’re being selfish, and The Worm is not at all surprised that you’re trying to get it to help you as you attempt to rationalize shortchanging poor Tony.

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So sayeth The Worm.