Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Let's Not Get Physical

My friends all tell me that I'm fat and weak and that I should exercise. They say that working out would give me increased energy, and I believe them. But what do you think I'd be doing with all of that extra energy? That's right, you guessed it: I'd be working out. It sounds like a push to me, a wash, a big waste of time.

Exercising for longevity's sake is wasting time now to buy time later. My friends say that it isn't about longevity specifically or even about health generally but, rather, that it's about looking good. But I say that if you're good-looking then you'll still be attractive when plump, and if you're ugly then being thin won't help you.

Most people are ugly; they should try not to worry about it. Besides, I could be gorgeous as all get-out, but what good is that going to do me at the gym? How am I supposed to get laid in a gym? It might be different if I were gay, but I'm straight. There's no way. You'd need a unisex steam room or sauna or something.

Contributors