Things Can Be So Hard Sometimes

I was riding the bus and eavesdropping on two orgiasts who kept peppering their conversation with "that's what they said" jokes. It was virtually nonstop. It was as though they were having a contest to see who could throw the punchline most often and who could do it most wildly. No set-up was too flimsy, no context too tight for maneuver. These guys were willing to stretch things as far as things needed to go. It was fairly amusing at first, but after a certain point it started to seem just juvenile.

A Recipe For Tough Times

Undernourishment isn’t funny, but nobody ever said it couldn’t be spicy. If you have (access to) a saucepan, a hot plate, and some water then you can make taco soup.

Find your local Taco Bell (they’re everywhere) and grab some packets of hot sauce. The condiments are at the service buffet with the straws and the napkins. Take as many as you can. I don’t think you’re technically stealing but, still, you should try to be as inconspicuous as possible. Empty 8-10 packets into a saucepan, add 2 cups or so of water, and heat up, stirring occasionally. Thin the broth to taste by adding more water.

Nutrients aren’t taco soup’s strong suit, let’s face it, but the price is right. And there’s definitely something in there: various salts and sugars, little bits of pickle. Plus it’s truly satisfying in the sense that you probably won’t want any more taco soup once you’ve finished.

For cream of taco soup, follow the above recipe but sprinkle in some Coffee-mate as you stir. Packets of Coffee-mate can often be found at donut shops, at 7-Eleven, and at gas stations that serve coffee.