Beef To The Chief

When Barack Obama went to Stockholm less than a year into his presidency to accept his Nobel Peace Prize, he had already killed more people (including civilian children) with drone strikes than George W. Bush had killed with drone strikes during his entire eight years in office.  (And W, as we all know, was no slouch when it came to blowing people to bits.)  So I'd say that Barack Obama is a total dick.  He's a killer, the scion of a long line of killers.

Obama, Bush 43, Clinton, Bush 41…all killers, all violators of human rights, all criminals.  I guess it all started with George Washington.

I'm pretty sure that Washington had a big reputation for killing lots of so-called Indians during the French and Indian War.  And then, during the American Revolution, he [in]famously sneak-attacked some sleeping Hessians on Christmas.  Jesus Christ!  Imagine waking up to that on Christmas morning.  "Happy Christmas, dude!  I got this bayonet for you.  I'm wrapping it in your throat."  Wtf?  So rude!  Plus, we can safely assume that Washington's support for the deadly crackdown on Shays' Rebellion wouldn't have earned him any fans at Amnesty International.  And then there's the commander in chief's actual participation in the suppression of the Whiskey Rebellion....

In fact, I'm confident that everyone on Mount Rushmore was a dick. We've covered Washington, but let's not forget about Lincoln.  Old Abe may have been honest but he had communities' blood on his hands, responsibility for all the scorched earth policies his generals carried out, and he did other nasty shit, too (e.g., suspension of habeas corpus in defiance of Supreme Court).  And Teddy Roosevelt (another Nobel Peace Prize winner, btw) was an avid killer; whether he was killing people as a soldier or whether he was killing animals as a hunter, he was world-famous for shooting things to death.  And surely Jefferson was an asshole...he was a slave owner, after all, and I'm just assuming that at some point he must have been involved in killing Indians (if his Declaration of Independence is any indication, Jefferson hated Indians like Jinksy hated meeces).

Even my favorite president, FDR, was an asshole (e.g., the firebombing of Dresden, the Korematsu internments).

So I refuse to celebrate Presidents' Day.  These people are jerks.  I don't give a shit about the presidency.  If anything, it's the branch of government I trust the least.  It's about time we all stopped bowing down to these murderous patriarchs.  I'll "observe" Presidents' Day (that is, I'll take the day off from work), fine, but I'm not celebrating anything.  This is bullshit.