Slow And Steady Wins The Race

I'd like to have a turtle with a realistic likeness of my face emblazoned on its back. That way, since the turtle would presumably outlive me, it'd be like I'd always have a little me crawling around the apartment...hanging out on the floor, sleeping, molting or whatever. I can't imagine why I wouldn't make pleasant company. And I mostly eat lettuce (very slowly), so it'd take only pennies a day to feed me. I wonder if I could learn to crap inside of a cat box or something.