Dear The Worm:
I recently download an addictive game app for my iphone, "Vampires Live". After frittering away hours and hours, I have become extremely depressed, a state I attribute directly to this mindless game. My girlfriend suggested that television is analogous: it is temporarily diverting but ultimately one has nothing to show for it. I took offense; I love TV! Why not make the same complaint about a book? Help me respond to this vicious censure of one of my favorite activities. (I deleted the iPhone app.)
signed,
anonymous tv humper.
The Worm sez: Relationships – those of a romantic nature, most especially -- are temporarily diverting, but ultimately one has nothing to show for them. Television entertainment, on the other hand, is our lifeblood. When your girlfriend denigrates tv, she is engaging in what network psychologists refer to as “pastime vampirism.” Her offensive suggestions sap your recreational potentiality while simultaneously feeding her need to be amused. This pattern, if left unchecked, will eventually result in her spending countless hours on the couch watching you, enjoying microwaved snacks, and laughing uproariously while you sit slack-jawed, catatonic, and utterly without amusement, an empty shell of a man. My advice: lose the girlfriend and pick yourself up a TiVo.
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So sayeth The Worm.
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